Experiment: The Results

I know it has taken me a long time to post the results of The Experiment, but science takes time! Data! Analysis! Pensiveness! Actually, I’ve just been really busy. And usually “busy” is code for “I’ve recently discovered a new TV show and I’ve been marathoning the crap out of it,” but in this case “busy” actually means “busy.” House! Job! Life! Apparently it all takes time. But it’s been too long.

To recap on what The Experiment is, you can hop down a few posts and read all about it. All in all, I asked 47 friends to describe me in 5 words. I got responses back from 30 people, for a total of 150 words. I asked family members, friends from high school, friends from college, coworkers, current friends, etc. I was pleasantly surprised by some of the random people who took the odd request in stride and responded. I’ve had good people in my life.

First, I’ll give some high-level results. Then I’ll dive into my observations. Science!

Results

The top 5 most common words

• Funny (9 mentions)
• Thoughtful (8 mentions)
• Smart (7 mentions)
• Intelligent (6 mentions)
• Kind (6 mentions)
• Runner ups: Creative (5 mentions), Independent (5 mentions), Organized (5 mentions)

The top 5 most common concepts
The top 5 words are a little misleading because a lot of similar concepts are conveyed with slightly different words. So, here are the most common concepts (with some pretty liberal and subjective grouping of words):

• Smart (27): Thoughtful (8), Intelligent (6), Articulate (2), Bookish (1), Smart (7), Logical (1), Educated (1), Competent (1)
• Determined (20): Independent (6), Determined (3), Ambitious (2), Resourceful (1), hardworking (1), Focused (1), Fearless (1), Driven (1), Doer (1), Daring (1), Committed (1), Capable (1)
• Funny (15): Funny (9), Witty (3), Hilarious (1), Entertaining (1), Dry Wit (1)
• Grounded/sense of self (14): Confident (3), Authentic (1), Unpretentious (1), Stable (1), Sincere (2), Self-possessed (1), Realistic (1), Real (1), Integrity (1), Honest (1), Grounded (1), Genuine (1)
• Kind/loving (12): Kind (6), Loyal (2), Loving (1), Helpful (1), Generous (1), Friendly (1)
• Runner up: Quiet (10): Reserved (2), Quiet (2), Private (1), Pensive (1), Listener (1), Introspective (1), Introvert (2)

Observations

Flaws in The Experiment
Yes, as sciencey as this all clearly is, there are some flaws in The Experiment. First, I hand selected the respondents. I didn’t, say, reach out to my ex-boyfriends, or to people who I thought might be weirded out by the whole thing, which ruled out a lot of casual acquaintances. To make this more accurate, I needed a much larger and much less hand-picked sample size. I also didn’t make it anonymous. I’m sure the fact that people were submitting their words directly to me affected words people chose, and definitely decreased the amount of negative words. Interesting note: the majority of people I requested 5 words from were women (36/47).

Negative words
I was fully prepared to get negative words. I even encouraged negative words because I didn’t want people to think I was just looking for affirmation. Even still, almost no one included negative words. (This obviously means there’s absolutely nothing negative about me, right!?)

I have to say, it’s probably for the best more people didn’t send negative words because, as prepared as I thought I was, they actually really hurt. Well, I guess I should say there are two categories of negative words: there are words other people may perceive as negative, but I fully embrace as either neutral or great parts of me (these are words like stubborn, strong-willed, standoffish, skeptical, and sarcastic), and then there are negative words that I fully recognize as true, but make me very uncomfortable because I don’t like those aspects of myself. These are words like moody. And extremes. And inconsistent. All true. But there is something about knowing other people fully comprehend some of the qualities that I don’t like about myself that is disconcerting.

None of the negative words themselves were surprising, but I was surprised by my reaction to them. It made me realize I might be less comfortable with some of my deficiencies than I might have guessed.

Family
As I was analyzing the data, one thing I did was group the responses based on how I know people to see if I could identify trends. Generally, different groups of people, even from different times in my life, used similar words or themes. Except my family. My family used a lot of the same words that other groups used, but there was also a strong theme of fearless independence. Some words used by my family and no one else: adventurous, daring, fearless, doer, driven, ambitious, and determined. I think this perception is likely influenced by the fact that I just bought a house and everyone has heard an exhausting amount about all my projects. But still. There’s something interesting (and kind of great) about my family having this perception of me.

My mom
For most people, I don’t have a way to quantify how their perception of me has changed over time. But I happen to have a birthday letter from my mom that she wrote when I turned 18. I found it the other day as I was going through my pile of sentimental stuff in my loft. In the letter, she included a list of words to describe me. So, now I have a 2004 vs. 2015 comparison:

• 2004: creative, smart, curious, responsible, friendly, athletic, leader
• 2015: fearless, educated, hard working, responsible, resourceful, determined, smart

I can see my high school self oozing from the 2004 group of words. I played soccer, so being athletic was a big part of my life. And I was very involved in my church and clubs, so I can see how I may have been seen as a leader. Apparently I’m smart and responsible through and through.

More gaps
Not to get all Saussure on you, but not only is there a gap between how I perceive myself and how others perceive me, there is also a gap between what people think/perceive and the words they use to represent their thoughts. Words don’t always feel like enough. As some people gave me their 5 words, I tried to think of 5 words for them to better understand what it was like to articulate someone in such a simplified way. And it was difficult! General feelings, and varied concepts are difficult to articulate, but are even harder to try to distill down to a single word. I think that’s why words like “funny” and “smart” are so common—they’re kind of a catchall. With all these gaps it seems like a miracle we manage to make any sort of connection with people.

My words
One of my regrets with The Experiment is that I didn’t spend more time thinking about 5 words for myself. Right after I received my first 5 words back (congrats, Jon Hastings, you were the first respondent!), I realized I should record my own. So, I took about 5 minutes brainstorm. Had I taken more time, I think I may have come up with something different. But here are my off-the-top-of-my-head-didn’t-overthink-it 5 words to describe myself: independent, smart, creative, stubborn, and open-minded. I also listed some sub words: organized, funny, resourceful, responsible, and genuine.

Interestingly, all of the words I used to describe myself were used by at least one other person except for open-minded.

Conclusion
I wasn’t shocked by any words I received. Almost everything felt consistent with my personality. But what surprised me was the consistency in responses from people who knew me at very different times in my life. I feel very different than I felt in high school. But surprisingly, people who knew me in high school, and people who know me now used very similar words to describe me. So, perhaps I’ve been a fairly consistent person for a long time, but have just slowly come to understand myself better and have become more confident and self-aware.

Overall, it was a fascinating exercise. Fun to get in touch with people I haven’t talked to in years. Interesting to see how people responded to the request. And compelling to have conversations with people about The Experiment that led to discussion about what it means to define yourself and others.

You should do it too. Ask everyone you know for 5 words. You know, for fun. And for science!

Experiment

Last Wednesday I woke up at 4am and couldn’t go back to sleep. As I was lying in bed wishing the sleep pain in my eyes would slowly lead me back to hibernation, I started thinking about a random (and super awkward) internet date I went on several weeks ago. I was joking around with this girl when she paused, looked at me a little funny, and said she could tell I was “a real smarty pants.” Which, as my go-to source for information defines it, is “someone who displays intelligence in an annoying way.” I was pretty amused because she was mostly (maybe?) joking, and because I don’t really see myself as a smarty pants. Sarcastic? Absolutely. Opinionated? Occasionally. Smart? Sure, get me talking about TV. But annoyingly intelligent? Of course not.

Unless I am.

In a sleep-deprived haze that at the time felt super insightful, I started to realize that even though she may not actually know a single thing about me, she had a powerful thing I don’t have: the ability to observe me external to myself. And even more intriguing, she got to observe me making a first impression without any additional information about me. And I mused that while I may have some decent guesses at how I come across to others, there will always be an unknowable space between how I view myself and how other people view me. The smarty pants comment mildly challenged my self awareness.

This is how I found myself, at approximately 4:15 in the morning, deciding to run a minor and casual social experiment to gather at least a tiny bit of external data about myself to come a little closer to closing the unknowable gap. So, I decided I must reach out to everyone I know and ask them to describe me in 5 words. That’s it. Just me in 5 words.

Of course I started messaging people that morning. By mid-afternoon, when the sleep haze had sufficiently worn off, and I had a chance to think coherently about how weird, crazy and risky this project is, I was committed! There’s no going back now.

With some minor variation, this is how I’ve described the project to people: “I have a really odd request. I’ve been thinking a lot about the difference between how people perceive themselves vs. how other people perceive them and that unknowable gab that inevitably falls in the middle. Anyway, as part of an incredibly casual experiment, I’ve decided to ask a lot of people to choose five words that describe me. I’m trying to ask a huge range of people who have known me in various capacities. I’m not looking for affirmation here or anything, and I 100% anticipate negative words. Do you mind humoring me? 5 words to describe me?”

I’ve requested 5 words from 48 people so far, ranging from family to friends from high school that I haven’t spoken to in 10+ years. And the results are trickling in. My plan is to collect and organize the data, and to analyze it from various angles to see what I can discover. (We can all agree to maintain the façade that this is all very scientific, yes?)

Stay tuned. Results to come.

(PS, if I didn’t request 5 words from you, please don’t let that stop you! Email me. Don’t you dare say smarty pants.)

OMSI

Even though I've technically been taking a break from work/school since the beginning of August, this week still feels like Thanksgiving break, which, to me, translates into a good excuse to do absolutely nothing productive. So far my break has consisted of Gilmore Girls, Target, Christmas movies, eating, and sleeping. Basically, my normal life minus applying for jobs. Since I'm on break, I had plenty of time to go to the Body Worlds exhibit at OMSI this afternoon with my friend Stacy. Cameras weren't allowed in the exhibit, so here is a google image to give you an idea: 

There were dozens of full-sized humans and dozens of individual organs and bones. Everything was constructed out of real people who donated their bodies to the exhibit. Very fascinating, and a little unsettling. It was a nice supplement to my Bones and Grey's Anatomy knowledge of the human body. I know that the obvious and cliche response is awe for how amazing the human body is for being so intricate, smart, and perplexing. But, c'mon, it's super amazing! Also, livers and lungs are huge--how do they fit inside of people? 

Along with admission to the exhibit, we had admission to all of OMSI, so we wandered around for a bit. OMSI is mostly targeted at small children, so it was a nostalgic wandering more than an entertaining wandering. I was underwhelmed because I remember OMSI as a place of magic and wonder from my childhood. Some pictures: