The little blogger icon in my Google Chrome bookmark bar has been giving me anxiety recently.
Related story. A couple years ago, I set a goal to run four times a week. I played soccer in high school, and August conditioning week and our timed 2-mile run always filled me with dread. I still carry a lot of that dread with me even though I haven't played high school soccer in over 8 years, and it drives me to keep a respectable 2-mile time. I started November 11, 2010. I know because I kept a detailed Google doc to record all of this--what days I ran, how far I ran, my times. I did really well. For months and months (except for 5 days when I was in Michigan/terribly sick), I ran or swam at least four days a week. My 2-mile time got faster. I did some 4- and 5-mile runs. And then somewhere in April (April 12), I stopped keeping track in my Google doc. And then somewhere in May I stopped doing it four days a week. And then in August I moved back to the Northwest. And I have gone running exactly 5 times in the last twelve months.
Is there such a thing as setting a goal and then keeping it forever? If you are one of those people who can do this, please stop reading my blog or interacting with me ever. Make a goal of it.
But back to my blogger's block. I've tried blogging in the past two weeks. In fact, I drafted two full posts that are still sitting in my drafts. One of them I even posted for about three minutes on 8/20. And then I pressed the "revert to draft" button, closed my web browser, turned off my computer, and went to sleep. I wrote it between the hours of midnight and 1:30am. Probably for the best.
I think I'm having a hard time blogging because what I've been really preoccupied with recently is what it means to be a single 26-year-old feminist Mormon. And it is simultaneously the only thing I want to write about and the thing I feel really silly writing about. It seems like since it's so preoccupying that writing would help sort it out, but I'm at a loss for where to start. Do I start with a long and serious post that gets really honest and raw(absolutely not)? Do I start with a humorous and light-hearted post about gender stereotypes(meh)? Do I even dare blog about something that actually matters to me(!)?
Ok people, let's be honest. What I really need is for something terribly awkward and hilarious to happen to me so I can blog about that and forget about all this life crap.