Thursday, June 07, 2012


A week and a half ago I decided I was going to start running. Three times a week at least. I would start with two miles and work my way up. And then, soon, I would become one of those people who casually says, "Oh yeah, I did a 6-mile run last night," or "I love running--it's like a drug," or "I can't imagine not starting my day with an hour-long sprint." We hate these people. They think they're so superior to all the average lazy people. But I wanted to join their smug health-nut ranks so I could look down on all of you for "watching TV all evening," or "doing homework." I would buy brand-new neon running shoes. I would look good in running shorts. I would become a runner.

I think we all know how this ends. 

Let's begin with day one. I managed to convince myself to put on my running clothes right when I got home from work. This is key. If I put on my running clothes before thinking through the act of running then I can shame myself into actually going because it feels like complete and utter failure to change out of exercise clothes without actually exercising. So, I tied my Asics, put my running mix on shuffle, and headed up the hill. As my feet pounded the concrete to Christina Aguilera's "Come on Over," I tried every mental trick I know to make myself believe I was having fun. I tried to think about long-term goals. I tried to tell myself that this could be fun if I did it more often. I tried to think about breathing deeply. And then I tried to think about absolutely nothing. The 2.2-mile route seemed completely endless. And all the reasons that the 457 other times that I've decided to "become a runner" haven't panned out came rushing back to me. I just barely finished the run.

Days two to present: Take a wild guess. 

But I've hardly had time for running anyway because I have been devoting some really quality time to watching Dawson's Creek (90's teen dramas!), and feeding an odd obsession with Disney animated musical numbers. Like this:

See, she used her brains to conquer physical tasks and then became a master of everything because of it (obviously)! She would've killed becoming a runner. 


Elisa said...

Running is so overrated. I'm impressed just by this isolated run you went on. You did it! You totally deserve to feel smug!


Josephine said...

It's really hard for me to believe that anyone actually likes running.