Tuesday, April 24, 2007

This is going to be short...

This is going to be short and pictureless (I haven't uploaded pictures to my computer in a while).

This weekend I went down to Vegas for my brother's wedding. I can't remember the name of the drive-in chapel, but it was a beautiful wedding. I'm a big fan of my sister-in-law. It was kind of an odd weekend. I spent all of last week looking forward to taking a break, then I was only gone three days, but it felt like I was gone for a really long time, and coming back felt a little weird. And it's kind of cruel. This weekend I kind of detached myself from this Brittany life. And now I have to come back, live another week in it, become re-attached and then leave. I felt ready to never come back after last weekend. But now I have to go through all the lasts: the last time I'll sleep in the same room as Meghan, the last time I'll go to church as a member of the 51st ward, the last final, the last time I'll shower in our moldy shower, even the last time I'll work with the same shift of people at work, and it's all a little painful. It's all very odd and hard to explain. I just want to fast forward a couple months and be settled. When the little nuts and bolts of life are disrupted it really throws me, more than big things. Right now I have a system. My socks go in a certain drawer, my sweatshirts on a certain shelf. All of my T-shirts are in the bottom drawer second from the right. I keep my tennis racquet in the center closet. Now I have to reorganize, re-sort, readjust and discard. It's the same with friends. I keep Meghan in the first bed on the left, and Lindsay in the right room in the bed on the right. I watch American Idol with Lindsay, or lay on her bed distracting her from homework. I keep Meghan up at night telling her about my day. Now I have to reorganize, re-sort, readjust and discard.

I just want to get it over with. Moving. It's like a final that you're done studying for. You know you haven't read all your notes, or made things right with people, but you just want to get the anxiety over, so you go to the testing center, chuckle to yourself as you hand them your ID card (because you know you're doing something stupid that you're ill-prepared for) and you take the test and do better than you expected. I just want to go to the testing center and hand them my ID card, but my move isn't schedule until Monday. I don't know why I'm being so weird, and better yet, why I'm posting this on my blog.

I guess this wasn't a short post. Kind of like this week.

7 comments:

CSchramm said...

Yay for fresh starts. I'm all for those. I just realized that on the last post, 4 out of the 6 comments were from me. Maybe I can't fully detach myself.

Bukran said...

I think the most poignant time I felt this was the end of my 6th grade year before we all separated to go to different junior highs. We went to a roller skating rink as a class and they played "We Are The Champions" by Queen.

I cried.

I honestly cried.

Lil Renny said...

Bukran... nevermind. Chelm, someday I know you will decide to repost, basically because I pray for it every night.
Kristin, I'm right there with ya. I love your testing center analogy, you should be an English major...I am not in the right frame of mind to remain in the Brittany until Saturday. I think I will pack up everything,build a shrine around my bed and just hide there until Saturday. Then go to a new life that I think I am building up to be more than it will be, and it probably will be strange, and parts are going to be upsetting. Sorry this comment was long, kind of like my life.

Lil Renny said...

PS, on a lighter note I'm glad you never said you were kidding about the drive thru chapel. It takes a strong woman to admit her brother eloped and she went along for the ride, sort of as moral support...

CSchramm said...

Would there be a way that I could get a copy of the Junior Year Movie? I mean, whenever you get around to making it. I'd love to have one.

Kristin said...

of course you get a copy Chelsea. You and Lindsey are my biggest fans.

Lil Renny said...

Hey, you're moving today, how does that feel? Oh, and speaking of movies of our lives, I keep looking at pictures and wanting to send them to you, I know you probably aren't planning on doing it quite yet, but I'm just getting so excited for it.